Poop Stories

Who doesn't love a good poop story? We've all got 'em, but rarely share them. Especially not on the Internet. But I'm going to anyhow, because I think we need to break down barriers, and be honest about the normal bodily functions most humans have in common. As a mother, I have the opportunity to break down those barriers with my children's poop stories. You didn't think I was going to share mine, did you? Nope. I don't poop. Just ask my husband.

Our first tale begins and ends where many poop stories do; the bathroom. Our youngest daughter, Twyla had started fussing, which is her way of telling us that she's got to go. I held her over the sink and said, "sssssssssssssss," which is our way of telling her that she's cleared for takeoff. As usual, she peed, and pooped a little bit. Now you're probably wondering why we're letting our baby poop in the sink. And to that I say, "Breastfed baby poop is easy to rinse off, and I don't want to bend over the toilet every time she has to go. Thank you very much." I tore off a bit of toilet paper, and wiped her cute little tushie. She was cradled in the crook of my arm as I turned to leave the bathroom. But wait! Twyla had a little surprise for mommy! It seems she wasn't quite finished doing her business. If you've never seen an infant poop outside of a diaper, then it may surprise you to know that they can go with the force of a jet engine. And this is exactly what she did. All over the wall, and the white towels hanging on the rack. Think horizontal geyser. When she was finished, it looked like Jackson Pollack had suddenly become enamoured with the color "mustard yellow" and decided that our bathroom would be the perfect spot for his latest work of art. Ah, the joys of elimination communication. At least I didn't have to change a diaper.

When Ronan (our first child) was a baby, he pooped constantly. Every single time he nursed, he pooped. I remember waking up numerous times a night and changing him before sitting down to nurse, only to have him poop again. The cycle would continue: change diaper, try to nurse him to sleep, change diaper again..... So it was quite a change of pace when Marley came along. Right from birth I could tell it was going to be different with her. She never pooped during the night, and often went long stretches without going at all. At one point she went a week without pooping, and I decided it was time for me to take some action. I knew that Epsom salts could be dissolved in water and taken internally for constipation, so I thought I would try soaking Marley in a bath with them. I filled the tub, stripped us both down and got in, prepared for a long soak. She was obviously enjoying herself; kicking her legs and waving her arms in the water. Little did I know how quickly the Epsom salts would have an effect! After only a few minutes, Marley started to poop. And not just a little. This was the accumulated poop of a week without going. I shouted for Scott to help me, thinking he could grab her while I jumped out of the tub. I could hear him coming to my rescue as Marley's poo continued to flow. It was floating on the surface of the water like so much yellow pond scum. Finally Scott pounded up the stairs, but alas, his intention was not to help me escape the Sea of Poop, but to take the opportunity to make sure we would never forget this event. Yes, he had a video camera. So much for the heroic knight coming to the aid of a damsel in deep shit- literally. This man has still got it coming to him. I have not forgotten. He's lucky I don't tell some of his poop stories.