Quick Health Update

Well, I did do the thyroid test, and it came back totally normal. Well within the normal ranges. So it looks like I can rule that out. At first I was disappointed because I was hoping for something that I could just take a pill for and start to feel better. I know that seems ridiculous, and absolutely contrary to how I view things normally. But I have been at crisis point for the last few weeks, and I just want to feel human again!

I am now strongly suspecting adrenal fatigue. It fits with the myriad of symptoms that I've been experiencing. The symptoms are much the same for thyroid problems, and I fit this picture pretty much to the letter. I'm going to give up coffee. OUCH. I need to get more sleep. CRAP. That one is going to be tough. Most of the time I have to choose between a little child-free time with Scott in the evenings and sleep. Unfortunately, sleep is going to have to win most of the time now. I have ordered some high quality cod liver oil, as well. Some small steps in the right direction. Hopefully they'll make a difference.

I don't have the concentration to keep typing right now. I can't believe the amount of errors I'm having to correct these days. My brain is so foggy......

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Yet Another Health Issue

I mentioned a short time ago that I have been feeling depressed. That status has now been upgraded to "outrageously depressed and generally feeling like crap." It has gotten so bad that there are times that I feel completely paralyzed by it. I just can't seem to function properly. I sit down after the kids are in bed and start to dread the next day. I will randomly get this terrible sinking feeling in my gut as if I just remembered a huge bill I forgot to pay or something. You know that feeling? It's usually attached to some event or thought, but I'm just getting it out of the blue.

I began doing some research about ANOTHER health concern that I'm not going into here, and started making some connections with a bunch of symptoms I've been experiencing for a long time. I always just assumed that humans were just prone to feeling kinda shitty, and didn't want to be a whiner. But then I realized that almost all of the things that bother me are associated with hypothyroidism. Depression, forgetfulness, low sex drive, musculoskeletal pain, sensitivity to cold, dry skin, sweating less than most, headaches, heart palpitations, and more. Oh, and my mother had her thyroid removed due to a pre-cancerous growth. It was such a revelation to make the connection. I can't believe I never looked into this before.

So while I have no insurance, I really need to get this looked at, because it appears that my symptoms are worsening. I am more depressed than I have ever been- and it isn't situational. Things are pretty good for the most part. I just don't FEEL good. In fact, I feel absolutely awful. When Scott gets paid, I'm going to order a blood test and see what turns up. I feel so certain that the thyroid is malfunctioning, that I think I would be crushed to find out it's not. At least if it is, I'll know that this is a treatable condition. If the test results are normal, I don't know what I'll do. I just know I have to start feeling better. Here's hoping that I'm on the right track. Cross your fingers for me.

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Hey, Joe

First off, I just have to say that I find the glitches in one of the final five cylon models appalling. The Tigh/McCain model's propensity to excessive blinking and twitching jaw is rather distracting to say the least. You'd think they'd have gotten those kinks worked out by now.

Then I just have to say my piece about ol' Joe the Plumber. As you may well know (or not depending on who you are), my own husband is a plumber. Or as some lovingly refer to him; a turd herder. And I heartily enjoyed that dastardly cylon congratulating ol' Joe on being rich. I literally laughed out loud at the tone of sarcasm when I heard him declare, "Hey, Joe, congratulations- you're rich!" And when I think about ol' Joe earning more than $200,000 a year, I want to scream, "Hell, yes! You ARE rich, Joe! Congratu-frackin-lations!" I would gladly pay higher taxes for my hard working hubby to be making that kind of money! Are you fracking kidding me, John?!

Scott and I are really enjoying the feeling that we are starting to get excited at the prospect of having Obama as the next president. This debate really brought that feeling to the forefront. I think I'm just as excited about hopefully voting for the winner for once! This will be the third presidential election that I have been of age to vote in, and so far, I've been on the losing team. Things are looking up, though!

I could go on, but that would be taking this milktoast blog to a level that I don't think I'm ready for. So for now, I'll just say, "Woo hoo! That was the debate I was waiting for!"

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A Scary Situation

We had quite a scare yesterday. We attended a craft day at a friend's house, and just as we were readying to leave, Twyla started choking. I didn't panic, but I also didn't have that clear-headed call to action that you hear about. My brain just stopped working. Here was my baby turning purple, and I think I was just looking at her. Well, maybe not. It's kinda fuzzy now. I think I tried to reach into her mouth, but I'm not sure. One of the women there suddenly recalled the child CPR class that she had taken 15 years ago, and took her from me to try to clear her airway. She started to do a sweep, and tipped her head-down. The offending object must have come out of her airway because she regained her color, but seconds later, she began gagging violently. It went on like that for a little while (which seemed like an eternity), where she would seem fine, and then gag again. She threw up breastmilk and a tiny bit of apple, but I didn't think that had been what was causing the problem- it was really small.

Eventually, she was breathing fine, and no longer gagging. Someone had called 911 while this was going on, and because the home we were at is very close to the fire dept., there were firemen there almost immediately. An ambulance was close behind. It was so much commotion, and I can't recall any of the faces of the emergency responders. I was so focused on her. They listened to her lungs, and since everything seemed good, they left quickly.

I can't imagine what I must have looked like. Probably blank. I felt like I was panicking inside, but I don't think it was showing on my face. There were so many kids there, and they all seemed pretty shaken up by everything. I know I was. I just felt near tears all night long. It was so scary. It made me feel like my kids were suddenly very fragile, and that they could be taken away from me at any minute. I've never experienced so intensely the fear that my baby could die. That's just not something that has ever felt threatening. My kids have always been very healthy, and free from big accidents. So I was not prepared for how shaken I would be by this.

Today the mystery object revealed itself in Twyla's diaper. A pink sequin. It was a shiny beacon amidst the poo, screaming, " I could have killed your baby!" My god. Something so small and innocuous-seeming. I am so paranoid now that a stray penny or Lego could find it's way into her mouth and this time I might not be right there to see it. I wonder if I'm now overly worried about this because I just experienced a bad scenario, or if I SHOULD be worrying more than I normally do. Should I be scanning the floors every morning before I put her down? I don't want to raise my kids to be fearful of everything, but I also don't want to be so blase that something terrible occurs because I wasn't vigilant enough. Where's the happy medium? Or is there one at all? Am I just at the mercy of fate? This has really brought up so much more than I could have possibly imagined. I feel very uncertain. I don't like that feeling. I want to be a confident parent like I was yesterday when I woke up. But now I feel like I was an OVERconfident parent. Maybe I needed that smack in the face. Who knows. Crap. Just one more example of mothering being a hard job. The mental and emotional aspects are so taxing.

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Trick or Treat for UNICEF

I'm organizing a great fundraising opportunity for the kids at church. It's called Trick or Treat for UNICEF. UNICEF provides emergency aid, health care, food, clean water, school supplies and more to children in developing countries. I'm excited for my kids to be able to help less fortunate children while they run around getting candy. Here's an example of the things that UNICEF can provide for small amounts of money:

$.28- Four boxes of crayons
$.13- a book bag
$3.00- a blanket
$4.09- 10 ready-to-eat nutritional supplements
$3.00- a tee shirt
$3.80- a water filter

The amount of money that one would pay for a latte could ensure that children have safe water to drink. There are so many things that we take for granted. In light of the economic situation that the U.S. is facing, it's sobering to think about the millions of people who have it so much worse EVERY DAY. Each day is a struggle for many families to find enough to eat. I realize what an amazing situation I am in that I have the opportunity to stay home and teach my children, while many people are unable to provide their children with any formal education whatsoever. We are all so very fortunate- even in our worst moments.

Our group has it's own web page for collecting donations. If you can help even a little, please visit here. Remember that every little bit counts. What can you do without today?

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Mama Time

I spent a little over two hours completely child free last night! Boy, did I need that! Helen Erikson, dance ethnologist, is in Kalamazoo for four days of workshops and three nights of shows. And though I am so sad to be unable to attend the workshops (Twyla won't stand for a separation of that length), it was wonderful to be able to see a small bit of what is going on. We attended a presentation about Guedra, a trance-inducing dance practiced by women in the Sahara.

Actually, Scott and the kids came to the show with me, but prior to that, he took ALL THREE of them to Ronan's Ninjutsu class so I could meet up with a few of my girlfriends for tea and treats beforehand. It felt so good to be in my house alone for a little while. I put on some makeup without a baby trying to climb up my leg, and got in the car without putting little people in seats. When I got there and got out of the car with just my purse, I felt like I was forgetting something! I even turned around and looked in the car window to see if there was something left on the seat.

I really did need that. I can't even express how much I needed it. Anyone who's ever been a stay at home mom will understand. Mothering 24/7 is really hard work. It's not so much that you're always doing something- even though you are. It's more that everything falls on you. The feeding, diaper changing, teaching, entertaining, bathing, and on and on and on........... It can be overwhelmingly draining. Especially when you'd like to sleep comfortably and restfully every night, but find yourself spending a good deal of it with a baby attached to your breast.

Don't get me wrong- I'm not complaining. Not really. I know there are some women who would love to stay at home with their kids, but can't do it financially. I love to stay home. It is the most rewarding "career" I could possibly imagine. But the hours are long, the vacation time non-existent, and the pay is crap. : ) I just want people to realize how HARD it can be. We deserve respect and admiration for the work we do, but we seldom get it. So I'm giving myself a pat on the back, and one to any other full-time mothers who may be reading this. And I'm also thanking my husband for willingly giving me a much needed break. Thanks, Honey. That was actually pretty easy, huh?

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Autumn Circle Time

This is what my wall looks like every time I draft a new morning circle time repertoire. I'm probably cheating by Enki standards, since it seems to be expected that you should be able to memorize all of these before introducing them. But, hey, I'm not exactly getting paid for this, you know? I'm pretty stoked just when I get organized enough to make sure that we're doing seasonally appropriate activities, let alone committing them all to memory. I do memorize some of them just during the process of going through and learning the movements that go along, but there's a lot of material there, and I seem to have fewer braincells to use for that sort of thing every season. I think it's mothering induced loss of brain function. A friend once told me that you lose IQ points with every child that you have, and I don't doubt it for a minute!

So what is on these numerous sheets of paper? Well, it's a secret Enki formula that I can't reveal unless I'm willing to give up my first born son. And since at this current moment I'm very eager to do just that, I'll let you in on the secret.

First of all, we do a few opening songs/verses that just get the blood and breath engaged. Basically this means that I end up looking like a complete freak to the mailman who always parks right out front of my house just as we're skipping around in a circle like mad, singing Sally Go 'Round the Sun in front of our large picture window. Next we do some midline crossing activities that involve moving forward, back, right, left, up and down. Then we engage the base senses: the vestibular through spinning round and round, and then proprioceptive via froglike hopping. We work with naval radiation during movement like a basic yoga "boat" pose. We also include academic games and bean bag activities. Next comes Spanish practice, and a few fingerplays. I have a space that will soon be filled with a form drawing walk, as well. Probably beginning next week. And then we close the circle by walking a spiral in and then out while speaking a verse. All of this has a purpose (other than to confuse the hell out of me)- it's strengthening their neurological development, and creating new pathways in the brain. Important stuff!

Not complicated at all, huh? When I first started using Enki, I thought I'd never figure all of this out, but now coming up with a new circle time is starting to become second nature. Wow! I am really amazed at how much the kids like to do it, too. On those off days when I am totally disorganized and really late with breakfast, they keep bugging me about when we're going to do morning circle. So I must be doing something right. Even if I do have to tape papers all over my wall to get through the whole thing!

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Spooky

I'm a total Halloween nut. I love it so much, and I look forward to it every year. I think I like decorating for the holiday more than I like anything else about it, though.


My wicked potions.

I'm collecting Spooky Town houses and figurines. I just started last year, and can't afford to buy more than one at a time because those durn things are expensive- even when they're 40% off!

Maybe I should dust once in awhile!

More cobwebs, and the last person who crossed me. Muahhhhahhhhh!

And speaking of spooky- this is what Ronan looked like when he woke up the other day:

Damned bugs! As if lice weren't insult enough, a rogue skeeter attacked my boy in his sleep. Can you believe how swollen his eye is?! I don't know why mosquito bites swell up his face so badly, but they don't do that on his body. Yeesh, it looks like I clocked him in the eye!

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